Warning: Please note that this article is a full recap for Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 11 and therefore contains major spoilers. Please do not scroll down until you have watched “No One Here Can Love Or Understand Me,” which aired Tuesday, August 19th on ABC Family.
What went down on this week’s edition of Rosewood drama? Well, Paige made Emily weak in the knees — and then green with envy when she showed up to the Brew looking like a dime piece. (Get it, girl)! Caleb told Hanna that Ravenswood is the worst and he was haunted by ghosts, curses, and magical fireflies. Mike (Cody Christian) was living the dream with his suave suspenders and sweet lady smooches. Aria got sassy with Mona about dating her “baby” bro, then felt bad about being an accidental murderer and a bully so she decided to make amends (sort of) in the powder room of the local movie theater. Cadet Toby placed his dreams of attending the Harrisburg Police Academy on hold and take on the role of a wannabe-Oprah. Hanna stood by her man’s side as he faced his demons and asked some obvious-yet-interesting questions about Alison’s connection to A. Byron, lover of fedoras, told off Detective Tanner, but she flashed him a knowing smirk as though to say, ‘Oh how cute. I hope you’re as tough when I’m arresting your daughter and her friends.’ Emily indulged in her first blatant Freudian slip. As for Spencer? The poor girl was too busy going on double dates and crying over her sister’s abrupt departure. And — oh yea! — Melissa recorded an (incriminating) video in which she spilled the dirt (figuratively and literally) on what happened the night Ali disappeared. Apparently Melissa thought Spencer had killed someone, and in order to protect her younger sis, Melly-cakes buried some chick wearing a yellow tank top (Bethany Young???) alive. WHOA! Now join us as we break down the most jaw-dropping moments from PLL episode 5×11 in this week’s recap!
Mean Girl: Aria is so over Mona (Janel Parrish). The chick terrorized her and now she’s wearing ice-cream sweaters in her living while smooching her brother? UGH. However, instead of trying to be nice to a person who might know her darkest secret (that she murdered a girl), Aria (Lucy Hale) decides to lean over to Mona during a black-and-white movie and whisper something naughty. Unfortunately, it wasn’t “meet me in the bathroom, girlfriend, and I’ll put the moan in Mona” — it was more along the lines of “Does Aria Montgomery have to choke a bitch?” Whatever it was, it causes Mona to get upset and rush out of the theater. And after she doesn’t return for a while, Aria feels bad and heads out to look for her. She finds her crying her crazy little eyes out and suddenly the soft weeping of a tell-tale fiddle arises in the background (not really but let’s pretend it does). Aria feels guiltier than ever — even more so than that time she accidentally killed Shana — and the two ladies end up having a surprising heart-to-heart in which Mona informs her that she’s scared of Alison and assembled an army in order to protect herself. “When [Ali] finishes with me, she’ll come after you and the others. She can’t trust you anymore — not after Cyrus, and not after New York,” Mona says tearfully. (Haha! Typical teenage hijinks.) Aria pats her back and promises her that what happens in the powder room stays in the powder room.
Paily Fest: You know it’s a good day in Rosewood when Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” doesn’t apply to your on-again, off-again romance with a fellow lesbian swim team member. After telling Alison off in PLL 5×10, Emily (Shay Mitchell) realizes that Paige McCullers (Lindsey Shaw) is not only a Victoria’s Secret model, but also the true leading lady in the mid-budget drama she likes to call life, and tries to make amends with her. Unfortunately for her, Paige isn’t not some love-sick pup that’s waiting on silent haunches for Emily to toss her a bone every now and then. Nope. She slips into her fiercest little black dress and heads to the movies (yep, the same one the Montgomery family sees) for a hot date because you’re only young once! And after Emily spots Paige looking extra fine — and learns from Ezra (Ian Harding) that Ali’s “kidnapper,” Cyrus has been arrested for identity theft and petty acts but hasn’t actually been convicted for any crimes — she suddenly realizes the error of her ways and decides it’s time to stop giving Alison (Sasha Pieterse) the benefit of the doubt and working on getting an apartment (and maybe a cat) with Paige.
Tanner Bait: The girls may have been able to hoodwink the authorities before, but Detective Tanner (Roma Maffia) can’t be fooled! In fact, she confronts the girls while they’re gallivanting around town to assure them that Cyrus will be caught — and then randomly segways into questions about Bethany Young’s murder. The girls are like, ‘Listen, lady, we’ve accidentally murdered loads of people in this town but we can’t take credit for this on.’ And then as she strains a smile to try to appear harmless, Tanner nonchalantly points out that Bethany’s body was found just a couple of feet away from their barn slumber party and the girls freak out. Sure, having a corpse in your yard is just a Rosewood homeowner bonus at this point, but it’s still kinda unsettling — you know? Anyway, because Tanner isn’t satisfied harassing a bunch of high school daredevils, she redirects her pent-up frustration upon Byron (Chad Lowe). She hints that the homicide investigation has become “complicated” due to all the “smart” people involved and that Aria is a prime suspect. As Byron panics, Tanner smirks and reveals that one of the girls has agreed to step up in as slick a fashion as Channing Tatum and fess up to the group’s lies. GASP! Aria hears this and begins shaking in his
knife-studded embellished boots.
Fireflies in the Sky: How do you get a beautiful hobo to stop drinking? You team up with your best friend and her carpenter-turned-wannabe-cadet boyfriend to stage an intervention in the most public forum imaginable. That’s what happens when Toby (Keegan Allen) and Spencer (Troian Bellisario) join Hanna (Ashley Benson) to confront Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) about his drinking habits. ‘You smell like a 135-year-old street urchin who spends his nights in the school vents!’ they argue. However, he naturally tenses up and feels ganged up on and bounces. Hanna follows him and he finally opens up about all the supernatural nonsense that took place in Ravenswood. “There was a death pact! And possessed scarecrows! And an evil minister! And birds — so many birds!’ he cries, before randomly pimping the new horror movie Ouija and telling a sweet sob story about how ever since he and his friends opened a bunch of jars containing spirits/magical fireflies, he no longer sees Miranda in his dreams. (Meanwhile Hanna is like, ‘Thank the almighty forces of A!’) “They drifted up into the trees and then they were gone,” he admits to Hanna.”Mrs. Grundwald called it great ascendancy.” Unable to contain her affection for this wonderful man and his caring heart, Hanna hurries to comfort him. “I didn’t come this far not to have a happy ending,” she says, before planting a kiss on him and petting him to sleep. Just then fireflies surround the cabin, and a Quija board (IT IS NOT A GAME YO!) on the table starts to spell out the words “good bye.” And what did we get out of this whole sch-peel? Closure.
Sister Sister: Whether it was due to tension or to escape the law, Melissa Hastings decides to hop on the first flight out of Rosewood. However, she left Spencer the best gift ever to make up for that time she gave her a crappy “souvenir” from London: an incriminating video recording that details everything that (supposedly) happened the night Alison disappeared. She revealed that the night Ali vanished, Melissa spotted Spencer looking more unstable than a zombie from The Walking Dead and walking with a shovel in her hand in the dead of night. (Sigh. Kids these days). Because this is Rosewood, Melissa immediately jumped to the conclusion that Spencer murdered Alison so instead of waking up her parents to ask for help, Melissa decided to rush on over and pile dirt on the body to “protect” her sister. But hold up — it wasn’t Ali; it was Bethany Freaking Young yo! Melissa buried an innocent girl alive. (Welp, there are worse crimes in this town — like consciously throwing firecrackers in someone’s eyes and blinding them or running over your BFF with an SUV. No use in crying over spilled milk and accidental killings.) And because she’s a Hastings, Melissa recites a line from Shakespeare (“The island is full of noises, sounds, and sweet airs that give delight and hurt not”) and causes Spencer to tear up. They are sisters after all! “Goodbye, Spencer,” Melissa whispers, her body wracked with sobs. “I love you.” (Gee, any guesses as to who’s going to die on PLL’s #FataleFinale?)